The Babylon Bee
ACME LABS—Two genetically enhanced laboratory mice, Pinky and the Brain, announced Friday their 2020 presidential run.
The mice have been engineered to think and speak, though the experimentation seems to have given at least one of the mice totalitarian tendencies.
“Humanity, bow before your new master as we ascend into the glorious era of the rule of Brain!” Brain said in his announcement speech before pressing a button on a device that he reportedly designed to control the minds of anyone in the vicinity.
“Narf!” said Pinky to applause from the masses.
The two are running on the platform of “trying to take over the world.” While many have criticized this approach, others have praised Pinky and the Brain’s honesty, pointing out that “at least they’re being transparent about it,” unlike other candidates who pretend to be running for the good of the nation. Some have also suggested that Pinky and the Brain will likely adjust well to Washington, D.C., being vermin.
According to analysts, their plot to win the White House is projected to nearly succeed and then fail at the last possible moment after one tiny but significant oversight.
“When does it cease being “congressional oversight” and start being harassment”
David J Harris Jr
Candace Marie Claiborne had a TOP SECRET security clearance and provided internal State Department documents to Chinese agents in exchange for gifts and benefits. She has now pleaded guilty to a charge of conspiracy to defraud the United States by lying to law enforcement and background investigators, and by hiding her extensive contacts with, and gifts from, agents of the People’s Republic of China (PRC) in exchange for providing them with internal documents from the U.S. State Department. She was hand-picked by Hillary Clinton, who herself has many ties to China, including the aiding of the sale of top-secret programs to China and Russia.
Via the DOJ:
“Candace Marie Claiborne traded her integrity and non-public information of the United States government in exchange for cash and other gifts from foreign agents she knew worked for the Chinese intelligence service,” said Assistant Attorney General Demers. “She withheld information and lied repeatedly about these contacts. Violations of the public’s trust are an affront to our citizens and to all those who honor their oaths. With this guilty plea we are one step closer to imposing justice for these dishonorable criminal acts.”
“Candace Claiborne broke the public trust when she accepted gifts and money from foreign officials, and then lied about it to State Department background investigators,” said U.S. Attorney Liu. “The United States will continue to seek to hold accountable those who abuse their positions of trust.”
“Candace Claiborne was entrusted with Top Secret information when she purposefully misled federal investigators about her repeated interactions with foreign contacts which violated her oath of office as a State Department employee,” said Assistant Director McNamara. “The FBI will continue to investigate individuals who fail to report foreign contacts, which is a key indicator of potential insider threats posed by those in positions of public trust.”
“Our close working relationship with the FBI and the Department of Justice resulted in the conviction of Candace Claiborne who violated the public trust and damaged our national security,” said Deputy Assistant Secretary Colón. “Diplomatic Security will continue working with our law enforcement partners to vigorously defend the interests and security of the United States of America.”
Claiborne, who confided to a co-conspirator that the PRC agents were “spies,” willfully misled State Department background investigators and FBI investigators about her contacts with those agents, the plea documents state. After the State Department and FBI investigators contacted her, Claiborne also instructed her co-conspirators to delete evidence connecting her to the PRC agents, the DOJ said.
Venezuelan immigrant and Turning Point USA (TPUSA) student activist Jose Vargas told Breitbart News Daily “there is not a single socialist that is not a liar” adding that they lie to get elected, and that there will be “no other place to live if America falls under [socialist] ideologies.” Vargas, who immigrated to the United States from Venezuela, offered his firsthand experiences with socialism in a Wednesday interview for the weekly TPUSA campus report on SiriusXM’s Breitbart News Daily with host Alex Marlow.
“There is not a single socialist that is not a liar,” said Vargas to Marlow on Wednesday, “and that’s what we have here — that’s pretty much the base of the Democratic Party as of today, they all praise socialism and they say, ‘Oh, no Venezuela was not real socialism.’ No, it was.”
“It’s actually socialism, what happened in Venezuela,” added Vargas, “Don’t let yourself get fooled by them, that’s actually what they want to implement in America — that’s a point of no return, and I would hate to see that happening in the greatest country in the world.”
Vargas, who immigrated to the United States to escape socialism in Venezuela, shared his message in a recent TPUSA video speaking directly to Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) about the realities of socialism.
(Excerpt) Read more at breitbart.com …