Recovered images from Hillary emails prove it was only yoga

The People’s Cube
While the Federal Bureau of Investigations is still at a loss regarding the content of Hillary Clinton’s e-mail cache from her days as secretary of state, one thing they have determined beyond a shadow of a doubt is that the Democratic presidential frontrunner is a diligent distance-education yoga student.

Emailing yoga routines are standard practice in distance education, said Mrs. Clinton’s online yoga instructor Maha Bharata through an interpreter. He claims that over the years he has sent her over two hundred thousand Hindu-language emails with pictures of yoga poses, which constitutes 90% of the data that had been wiped clean from Clinton’s personal server.

Clinton’s sessions took place in her home and sometimes her office, says Mr. Bharata, who has visited Mrs. Clinton on a few occasions when she flew him on a private jet to Washington, DC, from his humble hut in the Himalayas.

“I couldn’t tell if she had made any progress with her routines because she only emailed me back two pictures, one from home and one from the office,” he said. “In both cases she was lying on the floor and appeared to be meditating. And when I was in Washington, we were too busy for yoga, always partying with donors and journalists, and taking group pictures. This woman can hold her liquor.”

The former first lady isn’t shy to talk publicly about her burgeoning yoga commitment. In a splashy spread in People magazine in June, Clinton talked up her yoga and water aerobics. And a September New York Times story quotes “friends” as saying that she was full of energy from getting into yoga.

“One time I insisted she show me her routines, and then it took her a long time to find the yoga mat,” says Mrs. Clinton’s yoga instructor. “And when one of her aids found it, I was afraid to touch it because that mat was covered with wine and grease stains, smelling of alcohol and something resembling fermented milk of the Himalayan yak.”

Yoga experts agree that repetitive mentioning of Clinton’s time on the mat makes her more relatable. “Yoga is to 2016 what jogging was to, like, 1990,” says veteran Democratic strategist Joe Trippi. “When voters saw former presidents Bill Clinton or George W. Bush jogging, they would think, ‘Hey, I like to jog, too.’ It’s the same thing now with yoga, for women in particular.”

Experts believe that promoting her image as a yoga aficionado should help Mrs. Clinton to dispel concerns about her age or certain unhealthy habits, which her Republican opponents are likely to raise. The way she reminded the American public about her “yoga routines” in connection to the email scandal was also a stroke of political genius, which may very well help her to recover from this debacle and win the presidency.

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2 thoughts on “Recovered images from Hillary emails prove it was only yoga

  1. Great one dragon, taking it to my place. Thanks, J.C.

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